The wounded “Inner Child.”

Each childhood wound that we suffer, almost if not always, created a wounded “Inner Child.”

• Definition of the wounded “Inner Child.”
• How the wounded “Inner Child” comes into our lives.
• Signs of the existence of the wounded “Inner Child.”
• Risks of suppressing the wounded “Inner Children.”
• Benefits of healing the wounded “Inner Child” .

Definition of the wounded “Inner Child.”

The wounded “Inner Child” is the egocentric, severed parts of me that was hurt, terrified, vulnerable and neglected and never allowed to express itself.

Every time something happened to us, we split of energetically and disconnected from the rest of ourselves. The severed part of us might contains certain qualities like frankness, innocent, fearless, fun loving, etc. that after this incident, we feel incomplete and miss these qualities in ourselves and end up spending our lives searching for these qualities from outside of us.

How the wounded “Inner Children” come into our life.

The wounded “Inner Children” came into our life because we were:

• Forced to adapt specific behaviors and views from our parents.

For example:   - It is quite prestigious to be a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer.

- Real men don’t cry.

- Showing emotion is a sign of weakness.

- Assertiveness is not a good quality.

• Asked to live up to our parents’ expectations.

• Denied to express our true feelings.
• Denied of our true self so that we can be accepted and loved.
• Feels responsible for our parents’ failures (marriage, career...)
• Unconsciously acting as spouses to our unhappy and emotionally wounded parents.

Signs of the existence of the wounded “Inner Child”.

• Constant mistrust about life.
• Constant feeling of shame and doubt.
• Fear of intimacy.
• Experiences of old childhood feelings with strong intensity.
• Seeking to please our parents and others.
• Having problems with authority and hierarchy.
• Constant needs to judge, criticize, condemn and blame ourselves and others for our problems.
• Holding onto anger, resentment, jealousy, fear, and guilt.
• Constant feeling of loneliness, isolation and separation from everyone.
• Having a strong attitude of “what is in this for me?” in everything we do.
• Showing strong reaction to certain situations that usually do not bother others.
• Feeling like husbands to our wounded mothers.
• Feeling responsible for our mothers’ and our siblings’ misery.

Risks of suppressing the wounded “Inner Child.”

When we suppress our wounded “Inner Children,” we run the risks of:

• Re-enacting what happened in our childhood to our lives and to others’ in the present.
• Not being able to have fun and to appreciate life.
• Not being able to relax and manage stress.
• Not being able to feel fully alive.
• Taking ourselves too seriously in everything we do.
• Becoming workaholics in order to hide our past issues and childhood wounds.
• Contaminating or possibly ruining our lives.

Some of the steps taking towards healing the wounded “Inner Child.”

In order to help healing our wounded “Inner Children,” we need to:

·        Seek effective counseling.

·        Learn to speak up our minds.

·        Learn more about our childhood issues in order to come up with appropriate affirmations for ourselves.

• Here are some affirmations that we can use for our “Inner Children”:

-         “It is OK to share with others about my personal accomplishments.”

-         “It is OK to accept compliments from others.”

-         “It is OK to be honest with my feelings.”

-         “It is OK to make mistakes, laugh at myself and move on.”

-         “It is OK to be ‘selfish’ and do things that I really want to do.”

-         “It is OK to let others serve me.”

We can tell our “Inner Children” that:

-         “You can argue or disagree with Mom and Dad and still be a good child.”

-         “I accept and love you just the way you are!”

-         “I am so proud of you no matter what you do!”

-         “You can trust that I am always there for you!”

-         “I am sorry for making you behave like a grown-up when you were still a child.”

-         “From now on, we will have a lot of fun together.”

• Discover our hidden negative beliefs in all life circumstances.

Here are some of our typical negative beliefs:

-         I am not lovable

-         I am a bad person

-         I am too weak to protect myself

-         I am a failure

-         I cannot trust anyone

-         I am not trustworthy

-         I deserve to die

-         I am permanently damaged

• Learn to breathe and allow ourselves to feel and experience all emotions.
• Learn to know that as children, we are not responsible for our parents’ failures or misery.
• Learn to take responsibility for our own feelings and emotions. Stop blaming others.
• Find time to be alone in time of a major incident. Take a walk in nature in order to feel calm and nurtured.
• Listen and talk to our “Inner Children” in order to provide them comfort and encouragement.
• Obtain good self-help tapes/CDs.

Benefits of healing the wounded “Inner Child”

• Feel whole and completed
• True freedom from the past to be anything one wishes to be.
• New sense of freedom to express oneself
• Live life joyfully and ability to stay in the present moment
• Restore the natural sense of wonder, playfulness, spontaneity, optimism and resilience

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